Bello, sorry for the long break

Hallo, folks! It's been a while. A lot has been going on. I'm dealing with some health issues right now that are leaving me with a fair amount of pain that comes and goes. I don't know what's going on, but GOD is faithful. I don't have much to say right now, but I covet your prayers.

If you remember to pray for me, please don't worry so much about the pain; I trust GOD's plan, and I know that HE is using this to sanctify me. Healing or comfort will come in HIS timing. More, please pray that I would be turning to HIM more and more each day, and would be daily changed into HIS image. I want to deal with this pain, whether it is short term or long term, mild or agonizing, in such a way as to honor my SAVIOR with it. It is a precious opportunity to be reminded of my daily need for HIM, and a powerful tool to sanctify me. Please pray that I submit to HIS will to be being sanctified into HIS image.

Here is a precious hymn I want to share with you all. This was written by a man in far worse circumstances than I, but he expressed a beautiful faith in GOD in 'impossible' circumstances. I hope that one day, I might have such a profound faith as well.

Researching Part 1: Why Research?

Hi everyone! It's Kiwi again! Sorry about the long break since last posting. Life has been insanely busy. I got a second job, for those of you who didn't know...and yeah, it's been busy. Too much to condense to a blog post. Ask me if you see me.

Anyhow, this blog post is inspired by something I've seen coming up more and more lately, and that is the prevalence of people holding strong opinions about things without actually having looked into those things themselves. Sometimes it's things their parents have taught them, sometimes it's things that their school system has taught them, sometimes it's things their friends hold as true, and sometimes it's simply things that society holds as true. However, what people hold as true, isn't always true. To be honest, it's actually really dangerous to hold things as true without actually looking into things for yourself.

A devastating example of believing what you're told without questioning can be found during the time period just after WWI. During the period between the end of WWI and the start of WWII, it was held as truth that the Jews were a corrupting influence on the nations in which they lived, and were to be avoided at all costs. They were said to be stealing from the economy, were enemies of the state, were evil, and were inferior to all other races. And this wasn't even just in Nazi Germany; this was in almost every nation, and the proof of it is that right before WWII, almost every nation either shut their doors to the Jews who were fleeing from the persecution of German or Austrian authorities, or tightly restricted the inflow of those fleeing as refuges from other nations where they were oppressed. And even many of the nations that let them flee there treated them horribly as well. The popularly held mindset, the beliefs about what was true, were what enabled many, if not all, of the atrocities of WWII. People believed as they were told, shut their eyes, and looked no further. (If you want to read more on this, you can read Kristallnacht: The Nazi Night of Terror by Anthony Read. It is an in-depth look at what happened in Nazi Germany leading up to the Holocaust, though it doesn't cover the Holocaust itself).

Does this sound like I'm trying to scare you? If so, good! Because I am trying to scare you. I'm trying to scare you to think about things, and decide what you believe for yourself. Because if you do not think and reason for yourself, if you do not find things out for yourself, other people will. And the majority of people who are in authority right now are not people you want to have make choices for you. If that's not enough of a motivation to research what you believe, let me give you a few more reasons.

1. So that you can answer why you believe something.

In light of the current state of affairs in America, here are a few questions I want you to see if you can answer:

Why do you believe that it's wrong to let large numbers of immigrants into America? Is it because you believe that they would destroy the economy? Why do you believe that? What do you know about the economics involved in a large influx of immigrants into a fully established First World nation? What have you learned to be able to make that judgment?

Or why do you believe that it's right to let immigrants in? Why do you believe that it's safe, during this time of mass shootings and global terrorism, to let people in from countries that are hotbeds of anti-American rhetoric? Why do you believe that? What do you know about all the logistics involved in protecting America from would-be terrorists and infiltrators?

These are two sides of a HUGE topic that is currently being discussed right now, both behind closed doors, and in public forums. This is a very important issues, morally, politically, economically, culturally, and in all other ways. It impacts who we are as a nation. What do you believe? And why do you believe it?

 2. Because, if you are a believer, it sets your standard, and even the Bible requires you to give an answer for why you believe. 

In Acts 17:11; the Jews who researched what Paul and Silas told them were considered noble. Paul and Silas were sent out with the Gospel to them, and when the Berean Jews questioned what they were taught, researching what was said and comparing it with the Scriptures, they were praised for it. And we are told in 1 Peter 3:15 to be able to give an answer to the hope that we have within us.

Now, this is certainly pertaining to spiritual things. I'm not saying that the Bible is specifically saying, "RESEARCH EVERYTHING." No, I'm not going to twist Scripture like that. This passage was not aimed at politics, or science, or economics, or anything like that. It was focused on what they were being taught by others in regards to spiritual matters.

However, it also mentions legal matters in Deuteronomy 19:15-21, of inquiring diligently if a charge is brought against someone. Proverbs 13:5a says that "the righteous hates falsehoods."

We need to be sure to seek truth, and to believe truth! There is Biblical precedent for seeking things out that we have heard. And an even greater burden lies on our leaders to do this as well, for Proverbs 29:12 says; "If a ruler listens to falsehood, all his officials will be wicked." However, if that burden is on our leaders, we must also do the same, to make sure we're not believing lies!

Also, there is something to be said for the fact that the Bible praised those who were checking what they were being told, even if it was from godly men. If that applied to the early church, that should apply to us as well, even with our godliest leaders. But sadly, much of what we believe to be true doesn't come from even godly leaders; a lot of it comes from party leaders and teachers who are telling us what is true, and what isn't true. We live in a world of people who are decidedly evil, and they are telling us what to believe, and we're just throwing up our hands and saying, "well, it makes sense, so it must be true!" Most of the time, we don't even try to validate if what they're saying is true!

3. So that you can know that you decided your stance for yourself. 

This is probably the most important one: if you don't know why you believe these things, or how you came to your conclusion, then where did you get your stance from? If you haven't researched it yourself, then who, essentially, gave you your opinion? Because if you didn't make it yourself, someone else did.

Before I wrap this up, I want to make one thing clear; I'm not saying I'm innocent of taking what I hear at face value.  It's so easy to believe what people say and not question it. Our society is really good at encouraging us to simply listen and believe what we hear. I hope I'm becoming better at checking what I'm being told, though, and I hope I can help you learn how to do the same.

I intend to make this a multi-part series in order to give you the tools on how to research things for yourself. My goal is that that you learn how to decide your own opinion about the topics that are currently being hotly debated across the world, and be able to add to what is being said, and not just repeat what others have said. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and family! 

Today is a good time to step back from all the cares of life and look at all that GOD has done and thank HIM. GOD has been so gracious to us all. We are so blessed! 

I think our greatest reason for not giving thanks is both taking all that GOD has done for us for granted, and having such a low view of GOD that our emphasis becomes what we have and not WHOM we have; a GOD so amazing, so much beyond our comprehension, WHO has loved us, chosen us, died for us, and bought us for HIS own. 

I am challenging myself, and you as well, to seek to know this GOD better, especially as reflected in the image of HIS SON.

 After today, we begin ramping up for Christmas, which the world views as another celebration of giving, getting, lights,  and food. While there's nothing wrong with celebrating, giving gifts, and having food...perhaps we've turned it into a yearly idol, worshiping a season, a time, a feeling, or giving and getting, or being consumed with coveting (which Scripture says is idolatry: Col. 3:5). 

What if we decided to make knowing CHRIST in this time a priority? And I'm not just speaking to you all, but also to myself. It's SO easy for me to get caught up in the Christmas festivities. I REALLY enjoy decorating, and don't even get me started on cooking and eating (GINGERBREAD!!). But I need to change my own mindset, too, because I'm just as guilty of idolizing Christmas as everyone else, and that does NOT honor GOD. 

What is rape culture? And why is it so important for everyone to know about?

This afternoon, I went to the gas station to fill up the tank before going shopping. It was in a less desirable area of town, but in broad daylight, I figured I was safe. Apparently…not.

When I drove up, I saw a man in his 40s, covered in hair, weaving around like he was drunk, with scribbles all over his shirt standing in the parking lot. I figured it wouldn't be a problem, as he was near the building, while I was at the farthest away line of pumps.

As I was trying to put my card into the pump to pay before pumping (this isn't Oregon, dears. I gotta do it myself), I kept my eye on him to make sure he stayed away. However, I accidentally made eye contact with him while trying to make sure he didn't come near me. I instantly regretted it.

 He came stumbling over to me, trying to talk to me. I started signing, in the hope that he'd give up and go away. For the first time since I could sign, it didn't work. He tried speaking with me, as he leaned up against the pump, leering at me, slurring what little I could hear of his words. He wanted to talk with me, he wanted to spend time with me. Yes, he understood I was Deaf. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a knife set in a sheath. I almost started panicking, then and there. He then pulled a sharpie out of this sheath, still weaving around like he had no connection with reality, and started drawing circles all over his shirt.

And I was still signing, trying to make him go away. I couldn't hear anyone since I was too close to the highway, and since he hadn't touched me, I couldn't scream or call 911…I felt helpless. And I could not make him go away. Looking at the pump I saw a small blue button; (GOD BLESS WHOEVER MADE THAT BUTTON) that said "help." I pressed it and the machine blinked "A cashier will be with you soon." I turned my attention back to finishing gassing up the car, anxiously looking towards the building, hoping someone would come.

As I was waiting for the car to finish gassing, I looked at the guy who had pulled into the pump behind me and was gassing his own car. I made eye contact with him, and all he did was he just shake his head, finish gassing, and drive off. I felt utter despair. I was ALONE.

The pump jumped as the handle clicked open; I turned back, putting the nozzle away. The man was still standing there leering at me and trying to talk with me, making no move to go away.. I started trying to plan how to get away. Could I get into my car without him trying to get in? What if he got into the car WITH ME? HOW do I get away?!

At that moment, my call for help was heard; the little blue button. The manager came out, and instantly deduced the problem. He started telling the man to go away, driving him away, and giving me time to get in my car and LEAVE. But before I got into the car, I caught a tiny bit of what he was saying; he pointed to the help button and told me that it gives him an audible alert in the store, which he hears whenever we push it. That button may have saved my life. I pulled out of there so fast that if I'd gone any faster, I'd have hit something.

But the rape culture aspect really came into play when I called my parents. After seeing if I was ok, the first thing after that was, "Why didn't you scream?" THAT is rape culture. Not, "why didn't the guy behind you step in and help you?" Not, "why didn't the guy back off?" Not, "why didn't the street sweeper back at the entrance step in?" No, the first question was, "what did Kiwi do wrong?"

This is how our culture thinks about women. What did the woman do wrong? Not, "why didn't somebody step in and help when she was too scared to think?" And this prevailing mentality shapes our EVERY DAY.

Let me tell you what my day is like because of rape culture. I get up and when it's time to get dressed, I look at my clothes and say, "Is this immodest? Will guys yell at me and whistle at me if I wear this? What am I showing? Are these clothes SAFE?"

 I go out the front door and I'm immediately scanning, even before I turn around to lock the door, 'is someone out there who shouldn't be out there?' I lock the door and head to the car, and as I go through the gate to the cars, I look around, 'is there someone beside the cars? Is the guy in his swim trunks there again? (There is no pool around here!) Or is there a gang member there who might ask me if I'm Russian Mafia…AGAIN?" I get in my car and lock the doors immediately, buckle myself in, and have the car on and am peeling out of the parking lot in under two minutes. As I drive I check my mirrors, "is there anyone following me?"

If I go to the store, I pull in, checking to make sure I'm not near a van with a door opening onto the driver side of my car. If it's towards evening, I make sure I park near the front and as close to a light as I can get. When I get out, I have everything on me, and am checking to make sure no one is near my car. I lock my car as I get out to save time, and am walking away from my car to the store as fast as possible. I make eye contact with no men, and if anyone is loitering, I try to make sure there is someone between me and them.

In the store, I make sure no one is following me. I keep an eye out for anyone who looks scary, and keep track of who seems to be following me. After checkout, I check my receipt before I get out the door, as I won't look at it again until I get home. I get my cart to the car, checking behind me for anyone following me. If there is someone suspicious by my car, I go back in and get someone to walk me out, or I wait. I open the door behind me, with the cart in front of me, so that no one can come up behind me and grab me, and they'd have to reach over the cart to touch me. I load as quickly as possible, turn the cart around, lock the car again, put the cart away and come back. I get into the car, my purse already off, lock the doors, turn the car on, put it in gear, take off the brake, and I'm out of there in under two minutes. Again, I check for anyone following me.

This is life as a woman in rape culture. We HAVE to watch wherever we go. We have to be on guard, because if something happens, it's inevitably blamed on us. "Why did you go there? Why didn't you scream? Why didn't you….?" There is always something more that we "SHOULD" have done.

Do you know there are places I don't go because I'm afraid of being raped? Do you realize that I can't even walk outside at night, because if I'm raped then, it's my fault? My life is governed by the fact that if I step out of line, if I do something outside of what society finds acceptable and someone hurts me, it's my fault. This is rape culture; the rapist gets away, but the victim is asked why they didn't do more. And there is ALWAYS more we could have done. The list is ENDLESS of ways you can blame the victim. And so, we live our lives with every action we do  governed by this fear of being raped, and the fear of us being blamed for someone else attacking us.

 But let me tell you this; they're wrong. It's not my fault if someone rapes me or hurts me when I'm in the "wrong" place. I didn't make that guy be a creep today. Women don't force men to hurt them. It's the men who hurt us that are wrong, but in a rape culture the victim is always to blame. "She shouldn't have been in a bar." No, he shouldn't have drugged her. "She shouldn't have been drunk." No, he shouldn't have taken advantage of her when she was drinking like everyone else was. "But she shouldn't have…!" NO! It is NOT her fault that HE chose to take advantage of a situation in which she was vulnerable! There will ALWAYS be times when we are vulnerable! There is no way to guard against vulnerability! It is everywhere! The responsibility for rape and molestation lies solely on the man who assaults the woman! NOT the other way around. But instead of realizing this, society blames the victim. And most people don't even realize they're doing this.

 Ask your mother if you don't believe me. Ask your wife or sister. If we get hurt, it's our fault unless we follow every rule that everyone has for being safe; and then we still did something wrong. This is rape culture.

I wish you knew ASL

Did you ever have something that you wanted so much that it almost hurts? And as much as you want it, you're afraid to hope for it because it will probably never happen? I do.

You all know that I'm culturally Deaf, and physically quite hard of hearing. Because of that, conversations with people are difficult and often stressful. Especially in a crowd, it makes it so difficult. And the louder the crowd gets, the more stressed out I am in conversations, until the point where I can no longer hear what the other people are saying.

Sometimes, I let myself dream of what it'd be like for someone to learn ASL just for me. Just so I don't have to struggle. Sometimes I let myself hope that maybe, one day, I could walk into church and my friends start signing with me, so I don't have to struggle to understand them. And every time I do, I get tears in my eyes, because I don't think that it will ever happen.

People think, because I can talk, that just talking with me includes me. Oh, I wish they knew how much I long to talk with them in ASL! It's so hard to use English when it's loud! People think I cope really well, but they don't know how much I have to let slide, or how much guessing I have to do to carry on a conversation. It's like trying to figure out a code in 5 seconds or less, and every time they speak, I have to figure out a new code, and then respond appropriately. I have gotten very good at the 'smile and nod' response.

 I often wonder how different my relationships would be if I could simply walk up to anyone in church and carry on a conversation. Instead, I have to pick and choose who I talk to based on who I can hear. The group of people in church who I know well is very small, because there are so few people I can hear or speak with easily, and there are very few times where I can speak to them in a quiet environment.

Recently I made the mistake of introducing myself to the Pastor's niece (whose dad is also an elder), thinking she was new to the church, and I wanted to make her feel welcome. Imagine my embarrassment when I realized who she was! And it was entirely because I had never spoken with her because she too quiet for me to hear easily.

 Honestly, I wish everyone knew ASL. But I really wish my friends and family knew it. I miss so much of their lives and of what's important to them, simply because I miss what they're saying.

If someone learned ASL for me, I think I'd cry. You have no idea how much I want that.

Young Men, We're Watching You...

We're watching you, but not for the things you think we're watching.

I have seen a lot of young men around me who are so obsessed with looks, and cars, and having the latest things, and a lot of times it seems to be a show to impress the girls around them. And I will say, for women who have their minds set on the things of this world, those things will often impress them. But for godly young women who are looking for a godly husband to raise a family with, those things are not the things we are searching for.

We're Watching How You Treat Others
You may not realize this, but we're watching how you treat the people around you. The way you joke, the way you help or speak; those things matter to us. They're what help us understand your character. If you spend all your time joking and being macho, bragging about all the things you've done, we will not be impressed.

Do you want to know the things that have made me look at a young man with respect? One example was a young man getting down on one knee to talk to my dad, because my dad sits on a medical scooter, and the young man didn't want to tower over him while he was talking to him. Another is a young man who often stops what he's doing to go and help ladies carry things, or open doors when their arms are full. And there's a whole group of young men at my church who have earned my extreme admiration for their service to others, even when they get nothing back from it. Each of these examples show young men who are talking to and helping people who can give them nothing in return. We notice how you treat others. And speaking of the young men serving;

We Notice How Much You Serve
If a young man is constantly serving, we will notice. We're not blind to it, and frankly, it is impressive when we see young men serving. It shows a servant's heart. I am personally most impressed by the young men who serve in the background, and ask nothing for their service. It truly impresses me, and some of the men I respect the most are continuously serving. And these men aren't just serving on Sundays, but they are serving throughout the week.

We Notice What You Do On Sundays
We actually do watch what you do in service. And let me say, there have been a few young men who have lost a great deal of my respect because of how they behave on Sundays. I have seen young men sit through the service, not even paying attention. They don't take notes, they don't ever come to first service, and they barely even look at the Pastor while he's preaching. They're there just to warm a seat because their parents told them to go. And let me tell you, we know, and we notice. We're not blind to what you do. And this leads into my next point;

We Definitely Catch On To When You Have No Interest In Learning Outside of Sunday
When you don't show up for any prayer meetings, and  we never hear of you going to a Bible study, and you have no mentor, we can pretty much deduce from that that you are not interested in studying the Bible seriously. There are exceptions to this. Sometimes work gets in the way, and if you have a low paying job, it's extremely hard to skip work, or if you are in the medical profession and you're on call, these are very good reasons for not always being able to get to church meetings. But if you make no effort to ever go to anything except for the late service on Sunday, we get suspicious as to what you're really devoted to. Are you really putting GOD first? Or are you just going to church to check that off your list?

What You Do Tells Us What You Value
If you show up to church in an expensive car, with expensive clothes, and half a can of hair spray in your hair, we will notice, and it's not just the smell of the hair spray. What are you saying you value with your clothes and possessions? We get trying to look nice, we like to look nice, too; but if you always have to look pristine, you have to have the nicest car, and the nicest clothes, the coolest tech, and the latest album from the coolest band, we're not going to be impressed with that. We're not looking to marry someone cool. We're looking for someone godly and faithful.

Just as you are looking for a godly wife, we are looking for godly husbands. We want men who study their Bibles and know what the Word of GOD says so that they can teach their children the Gospel, and really, teach us, too. I hope my husband knows WAAAY more theology than I do!
We want men who can serve, because a man who can serve someone who isn't family is a man who can sacrifice for his wife and children. We want men who aren't afraid to be poor, because in this increasingly sinful world, that might be what it takes to guard their reputations, or what it takes to be able to work less so they can spend more time with their families. We want men who will help us take care of their parents and our parents when they grow old. We want men who treat us with respect; someone we feel safe to submit to, instead of feeling like submission is a burden.

Remember that we're watching you. And as we interact with others, we know that you're watching us, too.

Unspoken Social Rules

Growing up, I really struggled to relate to people and follow the social rules. I know I came off as a know-it-all, or a teacher's pet, (and still do) but I could not figure out why people thought that of me.

This week, however, someone I deeply love and respect came and told me how something (actually several things) I did came across, and it shocked me. How she viewed what I did was not at all done with the intentions that she saw! And the problem wasn't with her! She was merely saying in a kinder way what everyone else had unkindly said in the past about me. And I realized something;

The social rules I operate under are not the same rules most people operate under. So what I do with good intentions comes across completely different to everyone else.

So here are some of the social rules that I live by, that look so strange to everyone else. And some of these rules can be applied to the Deaf community, and some might not.

1. If you are speaking to me and I do not turn around and face you, I either did not hear you or I am purposefully and disrespectfully ignoring you.
  I have never had perfect hearing, but have always had to face someone to speak with them in order to clearly understand what they have said. Because of that, if I am not facing you, I am either not hearing you, or am angry with you and am insulting you. To not face you when you speak is to insult you, because it means I am not even trying to understand you.
Vice versa, if you do not look at me when I speak to you, to me it is the height of disrespect. Because it is such an insult for me not to look at you, for you not to look at me when I speak, it is just as insulting to me. And while you don't mean to be disrespectful, because of how I communicate, to me it is one of the most insulting things you can do. And rest assured, if I turn away from you and won't look at your face no matter what you say, I'm purposefully shutting you out, and can offer you no greater insult. The only exception (AND PLEASE REMEMBER THIS) is if I don't hear you, or have told you to wait a minute until I can look at you.

2. If I am looking you in the eyes, I am not challenging you, but respecting you. However, this is also not flirting with you.
    I have come to realize that most hearing people do not like looking people in the eyes for the entire duration of a conversation. To do so appears to be challenging someone or flirting with them. I have had my gaze misinterpreted both ways.
     The truth, however, is very different. I look you in the eyes so that I can both lip read you, and catch any minute facial expressions that I need in order to fully understand what you are saying. This is a requirement for me to hold a conversation with you in any environment that is not utterly silent. Your facial expressions help me catch the words or meanings that I cannot hear. And in return, I need your eyes and face to be facing mine, so that I can use those expressions and the shape of your mouth to understand you.

3. If you ask a question and I have an answer, I must answer it or I am not respecting you. 
     This one gets me into trouble in groups. However, let me explain this social rule for me; I struggle to understand things because I do not hear well. I often miss out on basic information that you simply overhear in other people's conversations. When I ask a question, I ask because I want to know, and if you don't answer the question, you either do not know, or are refusing to tell me. Please understand, much of what I know I have had to search out myself. Hearing people simply overhear information and absorb it without even knowing it. For me, I have to search it out, research it, or ask questions. For me, and especially for the Deaf community, information is important. There's a rule in the Deaf community that if you know something that could help someone else, you ARE REQUIRED to tell, or else you are held responsible for any harm that happens to someone else BECAUSE you withheld information. Even not growing up in the Deaf community, I grew up with the mentality that if a question is asked, it must be answered, and if I do not answer it, I am ignoring the person asking. And that is exceedingly rude.
     In the context of a group, if a speaker asks a question, this social rule that I live by causes me to answer any question that I know the answer to in order to show the speaker that I am engaged, listening, and I care about the subject matter. However, to hearing people, and even to DEAF, honestly, this can come across as being a know-it-all or bragging, instead of a sign of respect.

4. Asking questions in a medium or large group shows that we are engaged, and care about what you have to say.     This generally does not apply to situations where it is known that you do not speak. For example; a formal church service, a formal banquet, anything formal, really. However, in large lectures, I have asked questions. And I don't really understand the hearing stigma against it, but for me, it means that I didn't fully understand what the speaker said, and in order to respect him, I ask him to clarify. The reasoning behind it is that what he says is important, and I am making the effort to understand what he is trying to say. I value his opinion and want to understand it fully. It also shows that I am engaged, and is also to encourage him that he's not talking to a half asleep group.
     With this in mind, the mindset of being engaged and caring about what he is saying, I'm not entirely sure why hearing people hate it when people ask questions in large groups, or even look down on it. I still can't figure it out, but somehow it comes across as selfish or self-focused, instead of being engaged and wanting to have a full understanding of what we're doing.

5. I nod, say "yes," and "ah," or use other relevant interjections a lot in conversations.      As with everything else before, this is based on the concept of being engaged in a conversation. I'm not trying to interrupt, or annoy you. I'm telling you that I'm listening. I reply to let you know that I am still actively listening.

All of these things stem from the fact that I have to make an effort to listen to anyone. Yes, listening is a skill, but I'm not just battling not listening. In order to even hear you, I have to make a concentrated effort. Listening, for me, is exhausting work. Therefore, the highest form of respect I can show you is that I am listening, that I am engaged, and that I am actively trying to understand you in the way you wish to be understood. And conversely, my greatest insult  I can offer is to give you no room to speak at all, or to completely ignore you when you speak and make no reply.  And what is passing off as trying to be a know-it-all by replying to everything is actually a form of respect from me, because I am making the highest effort to understand you, and reply to you. Because there is nothing more exhausting for me to do than to communicate.

Faith and Politics

As you might have noticed, my blog has had a very large absence of politics in it during this American election season. And with good reason, too.

But as much as I want to avoid the issue, it's still an issue; Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, or a third party as president of the United States?

Now, we all know how corrupt Hillary Clinton is. It's all over the news and media, and the majority of everyone I know will not vote for her. She is currently under criminal investigation, and if her past is an indication of her future, having her as president would be a nightmare. 

So, most people say, "Well, since Trump is most popular, and we don't want Hillary to win, we have to vote Trump. We don't like him, but he's better than Hillary." And people are pushing other people to vote for him because, "Any vote not for Trump is a vote for Hillary."

I want to refute that.

I am a Christian. Unabashedly so, unashamedly so. And I look at Trump and I see a lawless man who is almost as bad as Hillary. He is crass, he is quick to fight, he is careless with his words,  he is a known adulterer, and he also has some cases pending against him as well. I cannot, in good conscience, vote for such a wicked man. Why? Because one day I will answer to GOD, and I will have to tell HIM why I voted for a man so lawless as Donald Trump. And I cannot answer for that. It is against my conscience.

And then I look at what I believe. I believe that GOD is in control, and that all things are in HIS hands. No matter what I do, this will play out according to HIS will.

I do not have to violate my conscience, voting for a man I know is lawless, for Hillary not to become president. I do not have to place my faith in a ungodly man to "rescue" our county. Why? Because I have a GOD Who places all rulers and authorities on their thrones, and Who can take them all out with a single word. I don't have to do wrong for GOD to still be in control. I can do what I believe is right, because I have a GOD big enough to take care of everything else. 

The Great Re-Wardrobing; The Insanity

Ok, I'm crazy. Today, I decided to do the shopping to update my wardrobe; ALL OF IT. I kid you not. I NEVER want to do that again.

Two thrift stores later, four plus hours of hunting, feet hurting, and more clothes than I care to remember trying on, I now have a nearly complete wardrobe. The only thing left to get is a two-piece suit for job interviews. That was the one thing I couldn't find, though I think I forgot to look for it at the second store, since they were a bit more expensive.

Now that I HAVE the clothes, though, the fun begins! I get to mix and match, put together outfits; it's gonna be fun! See, I hate shopping, but I DO enjoy putting together outfits. Yes, you may call me weird if you like. It's probably true.

Anyhow, short blog entry. I'm tired, foot sore, and in desperate need of a shower (they do NOT wash those clothes well. PHEW-WIE!) So, here's a kitty picture for your time.

The Great Re-Wardrobing; The Anticipation (Ok...dread)

Well, I finally looked through my entire wardrobe today, which I haven't properly done in a few years. The result is that, between clothes that are so worn that they are not modest and clothes that are too tight  now that I'm up to a healthy weight and size (Long story short; accidentally dropped 20+ pounds after high school and became dreadfully, sickly skinny), I have had to toss almost my entire wardrobe. And I am NOT happy.

  Why am I not happy? Because NOW I have to go clothes shopping, and as anyone who knows me is aware of, I DREAD clothes shopping. Clothes these days are mostly tailored to fit super models; i.e. girls with little to no curves. And now that I am at a proper weight, those clothes don't fit me. So now I have to find clothes that are designed for a woman's body, with a body shape that I am no longer familiar with because it has taken me years to get to a proper weight, in a society that hates women's bodies. Weee. I'm not looking forward to this.

  To top it off, it's an entirely new wardrobe! I could completely redo my own style! I could go more into the East Indian tunics that I like. I could go strictly 1940s vintage. I could wear slacks and formal skirts with blazers all the time. I could go more into soft sweaters and nice soft shapes. I could go with a more tailored look. The possibilities are just staggering! It's quite frightening, really! So many choices!

So...I'm going to be trying to figure out what I want to do with my new wardrobe, and when our favorite thrift store has their "all clothes 99 cent sale" this coming weekend, my Mum and I are going shopping for an entirely new wardrobe for me. Oh Goody.

For as much as I love seeing bright, cheery clothes on other people, and as much as I love complimenting people on their clothes, I DESPISE clothes shopping. Once the clothes are in my closet, I won't go clothes shopping again for MONTHS.