Open letter to hearing friends and family

Dear family and friends,

            This last Christmas, I'm sure you all noticed me and Mum signing. And some of you told me to stop signing. Some of you seemed quite frustrated with me, and what I was missing, or my odd behavior. There is something you need to know:

            I am going Deaf. In the past, I could pass off as hearing as well as you. I can no longer do that. I am completely Deaf on my left side. Nothing gets through that side. My hearing aid on that side doesn't even help that ear, but only acts as a radio to send the sound over to my right side. And now, my right side is also hard of hearing.

            I am beyond tired of pretending everything is okay when I walk into a family or public event. And I will never stop signing. I am going Deaf, and when I become fully Deaf that will be my main mode of communication. It makes you uncomfortable? Put yourself in my shoes; missing over half of what you say and being left out of everything is misery. It turns every family and social event into a nightmare.

            When I sign, the world opens up to me. I can understand, I can communicate, I can connect. I am no longer cut off from the people I love. When you tell me not to sign, you place me in a cage, where the words I can't understand make the bars of that cage. Only random words are discernible from the myriad of sounds surrounding me. I can't leave without being rude, and yet you deny me the only way I have equal access to the conversation. You laugh, and I ask what happens, and you tell me that you'll tell me later, though we both know that that later will never come. You talk about plans and events, things that happened in your life, but I never know, because I can't hear you.

            And I can't take it any more. Your words fly around me, but mean nothing to me. I know I'm missing out, and it will only get worse as time goes by. I try to express myself in body language, because I'm trying to break out of the wordless sound I'm in, and you tell me to stop being so childish.

            How can I break free? You won't let me sign, you won't accept my body language that I use to express myself when words fail, and thus I am cut off from my own family and friends.

 Don't you love me enough to face a little discomfort so I can be in your world? Every day is discomfort for me. A fear of a stranger yelling at me because I don't understand; nodding and smiling when people are talking because everyone else is, though I have no idea what they're saying; seeing people laugh, and knowing I miss the punch line and never feeling the sweet comradeship there is in laughing together; having a store clerk ask me a question, and having to stare at her with an uncomprehending smile without a clue of what she's saying. Can't you take the time for a few hours to face discomfort so I can know what is going on in your lives? When I ask mum to interpret for me so I don't have to rely on my weakest sense, can't you realize that I ask because I care what you have to say? And when I can't hear at all, can't you realize that I sign because I don't want to be alone, and not because I don't want to exclude you? That I sign because your speech is excluding me, and I don't want to be alone any more than you do?

I come to events because I love you, though it takes all my effort to understand. If it were just me, I would stay home and read a book, or blast music that is loud enough for me to hear. Honestly, every event where I have to hear is exhaustion. Can't you love me back by trying to help me instead of hindering me? All you do is complain about what I'm doing. Is it really loving of you to pretend everything is ok and to make no effort to help me, but to hinder every attempt I make at trying to hear you? If you will not help me, then what can I do?

I can no longer pretend. I am going Deaf. I struggle to hear you. If you will not help me hear you, then I will stop trying to hear you, because if it is not important enough for you to help me understand, then it is no longer important enough for me to waste my energy on it. If I cannot sign, if you will not write out difficult words that you've said, if you will not accept that my loud body language makes up for what I cannot seem to express in the sound I am rapidly losing, then I will no longer try to come to your events, for there is no purpose for me to come. It is little better than seeing an old movie of you with the sound almost muted. I love you, but I cannot pretend any more that I can hear.

Sincerely in CHRIST,

Kiwi

Pre-Christmas Baking and Cleaning

Hallo all! I've been terribly busy this past year. I've been taking ASL, and been working as a substitute teacher, and been also keeping house, drawing, and learning to read sheet music on the piano. YAY!

Today is baking day. It's when I pack tons of cookie baking into one day right before Christmas. I think I've made about 6-7 dozen sugar cookies (can't tell exactly how many, since I've definitely been enjoying my cookies), right now in the middle of trying to make a few dozen more chocolate chip cookies, and after that, I still have to make some gingerbread cookie dough to put in the fridge for baking tomorrow. HOY VEY! BUT! Unlike most baking days, I've yet to burn anything, besides slightly singeing my fingers in our silicon potholders. Nothing serious, mind you, but definitely not something I desire to repeat. (I kinda wish I had some fun Christmas cookie cutters...I only have boring stars that leave the cookies in an all-too-easily burned shape.)


Yesterday was kitchen cleaning day, where I basically turned the kitchen upside down, cleaning behind everything, rearranging everything on the counters, jarring up different bulk things we'd gotten from the store, and basically trying to get everything ready for baking today. Before I rearranged yesterday, I barely had any room to roll out pie crusts or cookie dough.

Oh, correction: Cookie sheet:1; Kiwi: 0. I now have a really shiny line on one of my fingers... I wonder what that'll look like in a few days. It reminds me of last Christmas.

Last Christmas, we had some family friends over, sort of adopted family members, really. Very close friends. I'd put some hot water on to boil and was just pulling it off the burner but made the mistake of taking off the lid of the tea kettle before lifting it. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I learned when I was a little kid that water that goes above 212F (100C) becomes steam...very HOT steam. The next thing my family and friends heard was a tea kettle hitting the floor. The asked what was wrong, and I said I'd burned myself a little. I actually got scolded by one of the boys for not making enough noise when I'd burned myself. It still makes me laugh to this day. Apparently, I need to complain more when I've been hurt instead of calmly relating the facts to people as though I were merely mentioning the time of day. "Oh, I've gone and burnt myself."

Hmmm, I wonder what would have been a better way to say it. Maybe next time I need to shriek and run around the kitchen waving a potholder, and go bouncing up and down like I'd seen a rat. No, wait, that's how I dance to the bouncy part of the moonlight sonata. That would just seem to normal for me. How do you be loud about being hurt, when it's actually quite common for you to be loud? Wouldn't that just seem the norm? But if I'm quiet, it generally means there's something serious going on. Hmmm. Maybe I'm a bit backwards. What do you guys think? What should I do next time I burn or hurt myself while cooking or baking?

Real Talks: Isolation

I've already mentioned before that I'm hard of hearing/half Deaf. What I never really say is how lonely that can be. It really can feel lonely.

I was born completely deaf (physical, not cultural) on my left side. I've never known anything different. To me, that was just life. I thought everyone had one quiet ear and one loud (read that as hearing) ear. The concept of deafness was not really introduced to me.

In private school through pre-school, kindergarten, and first grade, I really struggled, and my teachers were actually going to hold me back because of how much I struggled. My grandmother, GOD bless that wonderful woman, picked up that burden and homeschooled me. She gave me the best education I could have ever had. I don't think anyone could have given me a better education. Still, she didn't know I was deaf on one side. She and Mum suspected something was up, but had nothing to really go on.

We found out when I was 9 that I'm deaf on one side. I've told the story of how we found out HERE, on my Deaf and hard of hearing blog.

After we found out that I'm partially deaf, Mum found a hearing gal at church who knew some sign language and asked her to teach us. Oh, so bad...that was horrible. We met once a week, with basically only vocabulary words, had only two other students besides Mum and I, we never met any Deaf, and learned nothing about Deaf culture. THAT didn't last long. We gave up on ASL after that. She was not a good teacher.

About six years ago, my hearing on my good side began to gradually decline. It took us the past six years to see this decline, and we don't yet know why I have it. (I really need to get a hold of a Neuro-otologist, but that means I have to use a phone ...*cringes*) It's a slow decline, but it's there. My upper range on my right side is now going, and if I'm anything like my mother and grandparents, this will likely be a steady decline for the rest of my life.

I started learning sign language last year, and I was hooked. However, I'm the only one in my family who signs much. Mum knows a little, but it's not the same as having someone who practices a lot.

So now I really cannot hear much in crowds, and am still gaining proficiency in ASL. I have no complete language to use in public settings where I'm not missing something. This is a really big disadvantage at church, because people don't understand what deafness is, other than the medical side of it. And sometimes, not even that. Trying to communicate at church is hard, and it's even harder when people speak quietly, or even just stop talking to you because it's too difficult for them. I tend, now, to gravitate towards louder people in church, but even then, I'm still missing out.

So, in terms of a social life, I have almost no friends, and any friends I do make tend to drift away, because it's so stressful to try to communicate. I feel so lonely, so very much. I wonder if this is how other partially Deaf people feel.  

My Testimony

I am a wretched sinner, undeserving of grace. My sin separated me from the eternal GOD, WHO is holy, righteous, and just. I have violated GOD's law, both in thought and deed. 

          "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of GOD." Romans 3:23

Because GOD is holy and just, I deserve nothing but judgement. GOD made me and I rebelled. I am a sinner. Adam, the representative of the human race, sinned, and thus, his sin was imputed to me. I am a sinner. I did not acknowledge GOD, nor give HIM glory. I am a sinner. 

          "For although they knew GOD, they did not honor HIM as GOD or give thanks to HIM, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:21

GOD's justice requires a punishment for sin, and HIS holiness does not let HIM look on sin. I am a sinner. Because of this, I deserve the fullness of GOD's wrath poured out on me. 

         "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind." Ephesians 2:1-3

         "For the wrath of GOD is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth." Romans 1:18

          "For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23a

However, GOD WHO is rich in mercy, planned for there to be salvation for those HE chose before the creation of the world. Before even time began, GOD had a plan for paying for my sin, and for the sin of all other believers, who HE has called to HIMSELF. And that plan was that GOD the SON came to earth, perfect and holy, and became a man.

          "And the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen HIS glory, glory as of the only SON from the FATHER, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

And HE came to pay for my sin, as the only, perfect, spotless sacrifice that could take away my sin. 

          "And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of JESUS CHRISTonce for all." Hebrews 10:10

And on the night of HIS crucifixion, HE was betrayed into the hands of HIS killers by one of the twelve WHOM HE had called out and chosen; Judas. (Matthew 26:48, Mark 14:43, Luke 22:47, John 18:3) And when the soldiers arrested HIM, all but two of HIS disciples completely abandoned HIM. (Matthew 14:50), and one of those denied HIM, (Matt. 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:55-61, John 18:16-27)

The leaders of HIS people, the priests, Pharisees, and Saducees, formed a false court to condemn HIM to death, though HE had never sinned. (Matthew 26:59-66, Mark 14:55-65, Luke 22:66-71, John 18:19-2) 

Herod treated HIM with contempt (Luke 23:11) Pilate had HIM scourged (Matt. 27:26, Mark 15:15, John 19:1), and the soldiers mocked and beat HIM, and placed on HIM a crown of thorns (Matt. 27:27-3, Mark 15:16-20, John 19:1-3). 

And they led HIM to the cross, where they nailed HIM, and left HIM to the derision of the world (Matt. 27:34-50, Mark 15:24-37, Luke 23:33-45, John 19:18-30)

And upon that cross GOD poured out the full cup of HIS wrath against HIS only SON, placing on CHRIST my sin, and placing on me, HIS righteousness. 

          "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on HIM the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6

          "Behold, the LAMB of GOD, WHO takes away the sin of the world!" John 1:29

         "You know that HE appeared in order to take away sins, and in HIM there is no sin." 1 John 3:5

          "HE made HIM who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of GOD in HIM." 2 Cor. 5:21

          "Much more then, having now been justified by HIS blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of GOD through HIM." Romans 5:9

HIS death, and resurrection paid for my sin. HE bore the wrath of GOD, so that I wouldn't have to. I am not saved by my own works. 

         "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Eph. 2:8-9

          "But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will." Acts 11:15

I am a sinner, saved by grace, through faith. I have been set apart for GOD to do HIS will.

          "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Eph. 2:10

          “If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

When I was dead in my sins, CHRIST died for my sins, suffering the agonies of the cross, and suffering under the wrath of GOD for my sins. I am saved by grace, and not of my own works. I am redeemed by the SON of GOD, and I await HIS second coming, knowing that I am called out to be HIS, and am now redeemed by HIS blood. 

9/11 Never forget

Here in the US, we remember the 9/11 attacks on the world trade center and the pentagon, as a memorial to those who died and to honor those who risked their lives to save those who survived. To all who served our country fourteen years ago, pulling survivors from the wreckage; thank you. To the brave men and women who died by wresting control of the hijacked plane back from the terrorists  so it would never reach Washington, D.C.,we remember your courage and bravery; thank you. To all who lost family on that day; we mourn for you. To all survived, we rejoice with you. Let us never forget those who have gone from us.

Busyness and pie crusts!

Whew! I've completely neglected my blog, now haven't I? I've been very busy playing habitica, which basically means the house is really looking good from cleaning it. WOO!

So far, I've knit two washcloths as wedding gifts:

The one off to the left is just folded.

And I've also  knitted a toddler blanket for a friend:

And started a new washcloth and another baby blanket. 

I've also oiled/polished all the cabinet fronts, vacuumed the entire house, swept and mopped ad-nauseam, and two weeks ago I refinished the kitchen floor. I've made a big batch of lentil soup, and made three apple pies in the past 2 weeks. 

A friend gave me an awesome recipe for pie crusts. Most pie crust recipes you mix something like milk, butter and flour together, and add water as needed. The problem with this type or recipe is that if there's not enough water, you have simply a damp powder mixture that won't stick together, and if there's too much water, you basically have glop. My friend gave me a better recipe. 

You take :

2 cups flour

2/3 cups olive oil

1/3 cup milk

and you mix them all together. Don't overmix. Once they're mixed, split in half so you can have crust for both the pie bottom and lid. Try not to touch it. Roll it out between two sheets of saran wrap and then place it in the pie tin. It will not stick together if you try putting it in the tin with your hands (I've tried. It's like it's humanphobic). To actually get it in the pie tin you have to roll one side onto your roller and then peel off the saran wrap and strategically drop it into the tin without it falling into a big pile of pie dough.

Attempt, and repeat. This process will inevitably frustrate you. But keep in mind! This is all for the love of fresh, homemade pie. You can do it!.

Repeat rolling it out until you actually make the dough land properly in the pie tin. Then, after you've put in your desired filling, attempt to recreate your success with the pie lid. Good luck!

Habitica RPG Melior Griffon; Or..

...in other words, more work, and more procrastination. I decided to, not only color this in (SHOCKING! I almost NEVER color my artwork), but I did it with watercolor pencils *gasp* and then went over it with actual WATER *GASP*...ON non-watercolor paper!! *GASP!!*!  *exhales* Ok, after that lead-up, here ya go.

Joining habitica

Well, I started a new game. It's called Habitica, or HabitRPG. I don't know if it'll be a good game, but so far, it's really awesome.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I really try to avoid video games. I know people who are video game addicts (yes, that is a real thing), and I don't want to become them. However, this game isn't like most games. You don't earn points by running around on a virtual world. You earn points by doing things in real life, such as setting up new habits, doing daily chores or challenges, and having a to-do list to  do throughout your week or month. As you complete your habits, dailies, and to-dos, you gain experience, gold, and silver, and you level up. If you fail to do a daily or a habit, you lose health points. The higher your level, the more things you get, like pets, armor, or other things. By doing real life chores, you actually play the game. It's epic! It's a game I am not entirely sure I would mind being addicted to. Who would hate to start enjoying the daily mundane chores?

My "dailies," as they call the daily chores, are:
-don't press snooze (oh, my word, I can press snooze for up to an hour and a half. Truly, I've done it...more than once. And I actually have an alarm that shakes my bed. That tells you how much I hate mornings. I DESPISE them.)
-Make bed
-Prayer (I tend to forget this one without a reminder, because it seems like such an easy concept that I put it off. In reality, praying can actually take a while, since I have such a hard time focusing. I have to actually write out my prayers, and I still get distracted. Seriously...I have ADOS [attention deficit OOOh, shiny!]).
-Bible reading (I'm such a bad procrastinator. Don't judge me.)
-Bible memorization (Again, I put this one off whenever I memorize something wrong and have to correct it. Don't judge me. I'm a wimp when it comes to correcting things. I will put it off as long as possible.)
-Get dressed and put away pjs. ( Seriously, unless I have to go out, I will happily spend all day in my pjs. All day. HAPPILY.)
-Load or unload dishwasher (Touching other people's dirty dishes covered in who-knows-what? Ew. Not exactly the sort of thing I want to touch.)
-Mend one piece clothing, taking no more than half an hour.
-Tidy room.

As you can see, I seriously need help setting up habits. It's not good at all. In fact, I'm writing this post to put off going and doing my prayer, Bible reading, and Bible memorization. Yes, I'm that good at procrastinating. *headdesk* This is why I use Habitica.

Earlier, I used another mode of procrastination called, ART! Woohooo! I drew the Habitica logo! YAY! Oy...today is gonna be one of those hurry-up-and-finish-my-stuff-because-I-put-it-off-until-the-last-minute days... Anywho, here's my drawing. And then I'm off to actually stop procrastinating.

Unsearchable Love by Kiwi

Unsearchable Love

In the garden, on the mount, knelt my holy KING,

Weeping to HIS heavenly Father, "Take this cup from me."

And yet HE bowed HIS holy head in humble obedience,

For my sins, for them to bear, was why my King was sent.

Herod had him mocked, Pilate had him scourged,

And then they led HIM to the cross, my beloved CHRIST and LORD.

The leaders of HIS people rejected HIS divinity,

And yet their sin was known by GOD from all eternity.

Unsearchable love, beyond what I can know!

That GOD on high would choose to leave HIS throne.

Placing all my sin on CHRIST at Calvary,

GOD poured out all HIS wrath, on HIM instead of me.

HE made us in HIS image, in HIS likeness we were made,

And from HIS law we turned, and to our sins were slaves.

All of us, like sheep we've turned, and all have gone astray,

Yet, upon the cross, my LORD and KING, for us has made the way.

I weep for HIS rejection, for me HE chose to die,

For such a wretched sinner, so full of hate and pride.

Why did you die for me? Why such love for me?

Taking off my robes of sin, YOU clothed me with eternity.

Yet, such joy! Such joy now fills my very soul!

Death has lost its sting, and sin has lost control,

For CHRIST is LORD of all that I am,

For my life was bought with the blood of the LAMB.

~In Christ, Kiwi

Birthday Cards for friends

So, I haven't given up on the McGuffy Primer, but I decided not to make it the subject of my posts every day. I'll just post them all at the end of the week and call it done.

Today, I did some work on birthday cards. YAY!

So the first card I made was for a friend of mine who always dresses very nicely. Her clothes are very modest, beautiful and feminine, with ribbons and lace on them. I don't think I've ever seen her in pants, so it's always pretty dresses, with flower garlands in her hair. In short, she dresses in a very old fashioned, romantic style (let me emphasize, NOT HIPPY or HIPSTER. Let's just get that out of the way). Her birthday is pretty soon, so I decided to make her a personalized birthday
card.

It looks better in person, because then you can see all the detailing in the lace on the upper and lower right corners. Here's the inside:

Both the outside and inside were done with watercolour pencils that I went over with a wet paintbrush to make look more artsy. The butterfly and lace designs came from different photos I found online, some of which I combined to get a better picture. I really hope she likes it. The lettering is done with a 0.50 size black art pen, which really doesn't matter because it's just lettering.

This second one I did in markers, and is for a younger friend who seems to enjoy butterflies a bit. I have to watch that friend, because she is a tackle monster. Hoy-VEY! She's nearly knocked me off my feet a few times with her hug tackles. A very exuberant youngster, who's way stronger than she looks. She comes up behind me or on my deaf side, so I don't have time to brace myself, so I'm learning to very quickly brace or catch myself when she tackles me. Any how, here's the card:

Hooray for butterflies! I can never get their wings symmetrical. It's just not gonna happen, so I don't really bother trying it. 

Hopefully, I can get better at using watercolour pencils, because I'm not quite that good right now. It's easier than usual water colors, but still pretty difficult.

Anyhow, that's all for now!

Printing madness and McGuffy Primer Lesson 16

Can I just say that I truly hate printing? Not printing, as in using one of these...

No, I'm thinking more along the line of, printing as in the opposite of cursive. It truly is the bane of writing. I literally do not know how to size them.  I also don't know how to space them and I don't know how to make them look right without loops... I'm TERRIBLE with printing. 

Back when I took the SAT, we all had to sign something along the lines of, 'I didn't cheat on this test, this work is my own,' with our signatures on the bottom, and it had to all be in cursive. I breezed through it, not even really thinking about it. But there was this one guy...clueless. Utterly clueless. Our test was in a middle school and along the top of the wall around the room there was a list of all the letters in cursive. And this poor, embarrassed guy had to literally sit there, and write a little bit, look up, write a little bit, look up, write a little bit, look up. More. Times. Than. I. Can. Remember. Because he had no idea how to write in cursive. Oh, and he ran out of room, too, because he was writing so big. Pretty much, everyone was laughing at him because it should not have taken him nearly five minutes to write one sentence and his own name.

Now that I'm having to practice my printing, I am seriously feeling like that guy from my SAT test. I know how to do my basic printed letters, so I'm one step beyond him, but I feel like I'm failing at it as I'm writing. I have no idea how to size or space my letters when they are not connected. I'm sitting there, as I'm printing my letters going, 'how on earth do I size these things?! And how far apart should they be??!" Truly, truly humiliating.

And with that out of the way, here is Lesson 16. And yes, I did actually do the printing practice.

Lesson 16 Practice words are; big enough for you to read on your own. I wrote them enough times myself already. 

And here is my own work. My only comfort is that it's getting better. Oy vey. 

  

McGuffy Primer Lessons 11-15 and brain leaks

So, here are lessons 11-15 from the McGuffy Primer. These five lessons actually have a bit more work in them than the other ten I've done, and I think the workload will probably get bigger as I go on. I might need to cut down to one lesson a day, very quickly, here.

Lesson 11 worked on the letters "e," x," and the combination "sh" (the last one, "sh," being a bit difficult for me to differentiate from "s" in speech. Yay for deafness! *sarcasm*).

I think hens really get the raw end of the deal when it comes to primers or early readers. They're called fat, their eggs are in danger... primers are just not very nice to hens.

Lesson 12 worked on "o" and "u" for new letters, and a sentence in cursive to practice.

 Lesson 13 works on the letters "o," "y," "ck," and "w."

And Lesson 14 works on "a," "o," "k," and "y," with some of the letters having been used before. Also on this page is the start of lesson 15, which is review.

Lesson 15 is continued on the next page.

And here is my homework from the lessons. As I said, it's starting to get long, to do the homework, so I might start just doing one lesson a day, instead of five a day, pretty soon here.

YAY! I actually think my penmanship is improving.

So far, the readings have been pretty dull in the primer. So much so, that I almost forget to read them, and after I've read them, I pretty much forget them. They are much less complex than Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology, or John MacArthur's The Gospel According to Jesus. The first one is one my pastor is preaching on, the second is one I'm going through on the recommendation of my pastor's wife. After I finish The Gospel according to Jesus, I'm planning on moving on to Paul Washer's The Gospel's Power and Message, (which I just got in the mail, after ordering it long enough ago that I had no idea what had come in the mail for me. Hooray for snail mail!).

In other news, I want a dog. Yes, a dog. No, I can't have one, I'm too busy, but that doesn't stop me from wanting one. I've already started a list of names I could use. Here's what I've got so far;

Sir Licksalot
Puddlejumper (Puddles)
Mary Puppins (Puppins, for short)
Henry Waggersworth Longtail
The Mad Wagger (Alice in Wonderland reference)

And if you have any other name ideas, feel free too comment. All of mine are terrible (except, perhaps, Sir Licksalot...I really am proud of that one.).

Oh, and I have the answer the the Mad Hatter's question, "How is a raven like a writing desk?"
.
.
.
Both were abused by Edgar Allen Poe.

McGuffy Primer Lessons 6-10 and a HAPPY BIRFDAY!

YAY! Day 2...a day late. Oh well. It's my birfday and I'll be late if I wanna. Actually, it really is my birfday. And I am ** years old. Yes, issa verry big secret. If you wish to make my day and give me a fantastic gift, please donate a few dollars to INCOR. They help fund overseas pastors, missionaries, Bible schools, orphanages, and refugee camps in the 10/40 window. Fantastic organization, and as far as I know, everyone who works there is a volunteer, so all the funds go directly into missions. My grandfather helped start up the organization, and it has just been a fantastic ministry.

There, that's my plug, for both my birthday, and my birthday wish. YAY! ON to the McGuffy Reader.

I decided to actually do the printed letters from lessons 1-4, so here they are, in all their slightly crooked glory...

Doing the letter drills really brought back memories of the first time I did it in school. I have to say, I think my first attempts here were significantly better than my average writing when I was little. Here's some of my copywork from when I was 7. 

This was copied from Matthew 4:1-4, in case you were wondering.

Anyhow, my old work is boring. Here are the McGuffy lessons 6-10.

Here, lesson six introduces the letters "o," "b," and "g."

Lesson seven, here, introduces "e."

And here, lesson eight introduces the letter "i."

And lesson nine introduces no new letters but works on "ch," and other letter combinations. 

It seems that every fifth lesson is a review, which makes sense, since school was and is only five days a week. Here is where they give the cursive for the letters we've worked on the past five lessons.

So, how did I do on lessons 6-10? Eh...I think I might have to really practice on the letters "e" and "g."

Yeah...I'm gonna need to practice my writing a lot more. And I thought I'd be taking the summer off. Oh well. AT least it's my birthday! YAY for Birfday!

Hopechest McGuffy Madness!

In my family, on a girl's 18th birthday, her mum and dad give her what we call a hopechest. My mother has hers, and I have mine. Now what is a hopechest? I'm glad you asked.

It's a wooden chest that a girl uses to hold things for when she gets married. Thus, the hope, part comes into play with the hopes of getting married and having children. Mine has some baby blankets that were mine as a baby, some of my old handmade baby clothes, a handmade quilt that belonged to my grandmother, some beautiful children's books, and now, added to my collection, recreated McGuffy Reader set. YAY!

The McGuffy Reader set is actually, mainly what this post is all about. Lookie lookie!

I've heard that old primers (first level books), and readers are a really good way to start children on reading. And since I plan to homeschool my children if I ever marry, these seemed like the perfect buy. Got the entire set of six books for $20 at a secondhand book store. 

I looked at the last book, and frankly, it might be beyond me (and I have a college degree!). So, in order to not only test how good these books are, but also to see if I can expand my own reading and writing skills, as well as seeing if I can raise the bar on my own handwriting (since my mother says my cursive looks like that of a 10 year old).

I think I shall try to post my progress here as much as I can. Since this book is copyrighted in 1909...

the primer, at least, falls under the category of public domain. So, I can post pictures of what's in the book. YAY for old books!

Ok, first thing I did was try to copy their alphabet in print. Here's theirs:

Pretty formal and basic. You'd think I'd just try to make mine have the same shape, but, nope! The artist in me protested that, and wanted to recreate their letters. Good practice, I suppose.

Wooo! Ok, so I know you're all dying to see lessons. You've all missed school, the summer's been long, so here's some school work for you to help ease the pain of summer. You'll thank me for it later, I'm sure.

The artwork in lesson one is truly beautiful, and it seems to go throughout the whole book. For the artwork alone, the book is a good study. 

Lessons 1-4 don't seem to have any writing practice so I just read them and moved on. Here are lessons two and three.

 Followed by four and five...

Because there was writing at the end of five, I figured it was a good time to try practicing the writing, especially since they have cursive there, which is what I'm wanting to improve. Here is my attempt at their handwriting style, followed by my own handwriting.

It's definitely different. I find that my own style is less rounded and has more closed letters. 

This is definitely going to be an interesting ride. I wonder if I can actually stick with it...

Light Hearted for a change

Ok, I'm on a 1940s-1950s fashion kick right now. Actually, I have to admit, it's been about the past 2-3 years I've been on this fashion kick. I love the style, I love the modesty, and I love the colors. It's so cute!

Snagged from Pinterest

Isn't that just lovely? Or How about this?

Snagged from Pinterest.

My Dad really liked the blue dress suit. I like it a lot, too. Very elegant. Here's another pretty for y'all.

Snagged from Pinterest

I really love having a skirt and top, combined with a wide belt where they join. I even have a big red belt. I find this a classy and elegant combination, especially with the long skirt. 

Snagged from Pinterest

I just love the above dress. I usually don't do too many dots and stuff because too much patterning on my clothes can literally make me feel nauseated, but this is just exquisite. Add a small white shrug, a white parasol, a little white purse, a pair of low black or white heels and a wide white sunhat, and you're ready to step out like a lady. Very classy. Maybe put on a pair of white wrist length kid gloves if you're feeling fancy. 

Truly, though, I didn't always wear pretty things. Even now, my things are more down to earth than some of the pretty things I like. You might not believe it, but when I was really young, I used to wear army fatigues, big baggy shirts, and army boots, dreaming of joining the military, and beating my older brother at video games. 

Yes, big turn around. I'll write about that change in a later post. But for now, here are more pretties from Pinterest. 

Here's simple, yet very elegant.

I love the floral print on this one. I would have a shawl or little sleeves on it, but overall, it's really adorable.

And this last one is just simply elegant. I really just love how simple and yet so classy it is.

Glory To GOD

You might not know this, but I am completely deaf on one side, and on my other side, I am losing my hearing. And I will admit, I hate being hard of hearing sometimes. I'll just say that straight up. I'm tired of struggling to hear people, I'm tired of having to explain, and I'm just tired of trying to hear. It's truly exhausting. Am I ashamed of being hard of hearing? Well, no. But I'm just plain tired of the struggle. It gets old.

But look at these verses:

Psalm 139:13-16;
 "For YOU formed my inward parts;
YOU wove me in my mother’s womb.14  I will give thanks to YOU, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are YOUR works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from YOU,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;16
YOUR eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in YOUR book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.(NASB)"

John 9:1-3; "As HE passed by, HE saw a man blind from birth. 2 And HIS disciples asked HIM, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind? 3 JESUS answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of GOD might be displayed in him.(NASB)"

1 Corinthians 1:26-28; "For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27 but GOD has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and GOD has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,28 and the base things of the world and the despised GOD has chosen, the things that are not, so that HE may nullify the things that are. (NASB)"


2 Corinthians 12:9; " But HE said to me, “MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is
made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of CHRIST may rest upon me."
~~~
Did you catch that? HE MADE ME. This is not a deistic view of human creation, where GOD set the world in motion and human birth is just a common natural process. HE MADE ME. HE FORMED me. I was MADE this way with a purpose. I was "skillfully wrought." Not a mistake, not an accident, but created purposefully by a perfect GOD.

Why was I made this way?  It was "so that the works of GOD might be displayed" in me. Because HE chose me to shame the strong and to nullify the things that are by displaying HIS glory through me. My deafness is not about a mistake; it's about a divine and holy purpose set in motion to glorify GOD.

Does this mean that GOD did this solely for my good, like in Jeremiah 29:11? ("For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ESV) No, because that was a promise to the Israelites in the Sinaitic covenant. That promise is not valid for Christians. JESUS said in John 16:33b, "In the world you will have tribulation...(ESV)" Not might, WILL. So this is not about GOD doing something for me to make my life easier. Believe me, it's not easier.

This is solely for the glory of GOD, so that what HE does through me can only be contributed to HIM, for HIS glory and HIS honor. HE made me hard of hearing so that when I serve HIM and others see, they will realize and understand that it is not through my hearing, my ability that I do things. It is so that they realize that it is GOD who is working, and not me, and give glory, honor and praise to HIM. I am Deaf/HOH solely for the glory of GOD, and I am thankful.

Why am I thankful? Because my struggles will not be wasted in meaningless despair. They will be used to glorify GOD and honor HIM. So I am not cursed with a disability, but blessed with an opportunity to glorify GOD, even though it is hard.

The Most Terrifying Thing...

One of the things that's been on my mind for the past few years has been something that is utterly terrifying; hell. It's not just the suffering or pain or separation from GOD; the most terrifying part is how long forever is.

When your life is over, and if you are unsaved, you are sent to hell with a one way ticket. And that is not meant to be cheesy. When you get to hell, you get no reprieve, no second chance. You're there. GOD's not going to come by and say, "Hey, it's been a few thousand years, would you like a second chance to change your mind? Maybe you want to love me now?" No, it doesn't work that way.

You go there and you are there for the rest of eternity. You can't go back and undo it. You don't just slowly fade from existence. You can't die to be released from it. You are there in eternal suffering, separated from GOD and all that is good with no way out.

Hell is not a holding place for souls that need an attitude readjustment. It's not there as a holding tank until a set time when GOD relents and changes HIS justice. HE doesn't relent and HIS justice never changes. HE sent HIS SON to die for our sins to satisfy HIS justice, but if you don't accept that gift, HE will pour out HIS righteous wrath on you for your sins, your lawlessness, and your rebellion. And that wrath is poured out in hell for all eternity.

See, the terror of hell is that you don't get to try it out and decide, 'oh hey, this is really bad, I wanna have GOD now." No. It's done. It's final. No second chance, no undo, no way back to life. You are eternally stuck with your decision, in hell, separated from GOD and all that is good, in a place of eternal torment with no end date, ever. THAT is the most terrifying thing ever.

I love Cherry blossoms

Right now it's winter in the upper hemisphere, and everything's kinda bleak. Flowers always cheer up the gloom. Here are some flowering cherries to cheer up the winter blahs.

Wisteria

One of my favorite flowers to photograph is wisteria. It's like a multiple waterfalls of flowers hanging from trees or trellises. These are actually a part of the pea family. Very pretty, and delightful to photograph.