Craftin' and dollhouses

Is it terrible, that after I've graduated college, I'm still looking for ways to have my own dollhouse? I literally have been trying to think of things for a couple years now. I bought a brown paper mache one from a craft store and it is just way too boring for me. I tried spicing it up...

I started with the chimney...

Then I gave it a bit of a weathered outside job...

Gave it some trim..

Then I went ahead and did a lil' van gogh style on my house....

But I haven't finished it yet, because I'm bored with it. I want levels, and bedrooms...I've looked at lil' wooden houses, I've looked at maybe making a little clay house to imitate adobe, I've looked at DIY cardboard houses... I've gone through TONS of ideas. Still haven't settled on one yet.

However, before I do any more house ideas, need to finish this house. I'm thinking I might put tissue paper in the windows and doorways, and then put some LED lights on the inside. Make it so that it lights up with a nice soft glow. It could make a lovely gift for someone. Don't know who...

I haven't yet done the grass outside, yet. Trying to decide if I should do faux grass that has a texture to it, or if I should just paint it green. After all the work I did on the outside, I really don't want to finish with it looking sloppy. Any suggestions?

I got baptized today

Today I was baptized, and it only seems right that I share my testimony here.

~~~

1. Why I Chose to be Baptized

I decided to be baptized to declare to the world that I believe that JESUS CHRIST is the SON of GOD, the only name in heaven and on earth by which we must be saved, and that HE is the only one Who deserves all glory, honor, adoration and praise. This is my testimony,

2. Who I was and why I wasn’t saved

1. I grew up in what we considered to be a Christian home. I didn't do drugs, I dressed fairly modestly, and went to church every week. I'd said the "prayer," I knew my Bible fairly well, and had all the good Christian answers. But I wasn't saved. And here's why:

2. Bad theology

1. I believed that I could be unsaved at any point in time. The concept of progressive sanctification was unknown to me.
2. I knew I was sinful, but the utter magnitude of how far I was from saving myself was something I hadn't even begun to grasp.
3. I was constantly searching for what I was missing. I knew something was missing from my salvation. I think I was driving my parents nuts, because they insisted I was saved.
4. I never understood how Jews and Romans killing JESUS saved me. It didn't make sense to me.
5. I only trusted the Old Testament, but the New Testament was something I did not trust. Therefore, the salvation represented in it was something I could not grasp.
6. And I thought the gospel, as it had been presented to me was merely the gateway into Christianity, which I then graduated from, upon salvation, to better and higher theological topic. The gospel was never central to me, and, in fact, it wasn't important to me. It was just a backup, "get out of jail free pass" in case I couldn't just make myself look good enough to GOD, and with the hope that JESUS would clean up my messes, while GOD would only look at my good stuff.

3. What changed?
1. I started coming here and sat under good theological teaching, and I had a mentor. Pastor's sermons gave me constant exposure to the full truth of the Gospel, and slowly, the HOLY SPIRIT began working in my heart.

2. Correct theology was one of the most important things for me. It really changed my life. Here's what changed.

1. I am now convinced of the divine inspiration of Scripture as being wholly and completely GOD breathed. Men wrote as they were led by the HOLY SPIRIT, and thus all of the Bible is the divinely inspired Word of GOD. This trust has led me to these following convictions, which I pray will continue to change my life throughout my life.
2. I am sinful, both in my human nature, and positionally, since Adam was my representative before GOD. Not only that, My heart is deceptively wicked, and it is a idol factory. There is nothing good in me, in and of myself. I am capable of any and every sin, and I am not better than any other sinner (though pride sometimes makes me feel like it).
3. The reason why CHRIST's death pays for my salvation is that, on the cross, GOD's justice against me was appeased because HE poured out on JESUS the fullness of HIS wrath against me. And now, I am covered in the righteousness of CHRIST, and am now positionally perfect in the sight of GOD, though the reality of my life has not yet been made perfect.
4. Salvation is not like a driver's license, which can be lost at any time for bad behavior. CHRIST died once and for all for all of my sin. I do not need to be judicially made right to GOD, but I am still accountable to HIM as HE is my LORD and MASTER. I will never have to stand before HIM, utterly condemned and accursed. My sin is removed from me as far as the East is from the West.
5. And the GOSPEL isn't just the moment of salvation, to be cast aside after I'm saved. It is the heart of all life.

3. This process was long. I prayed and wrestled with it for a long time. However, on August 9th, Sunday morning in church, I don't know how, but by the power of GOD, I realized that I was saved for all time. I was not condemned, not guilty, but instead, right before GOD. I don't know how it happened, but now I believe.

4. How does this salvation play out in my life?
1. I am assured of my salvation. I'm not searching for a way to be saved any more. While I still don't fully understand the full implications of the Gospel, I understand enough to be saved, and I hope to grow more in the knowledge of it every day.
2. I am seeking to grow in obedience and discipline. Sometimes I fall, sometimes I stand. But I keep growing. There's no turning back.
3. I now trust the Scriptures. That is something I haven't done since I was a child.
4. Apparently, according to my parents, I have a consistently better attitude at home now, too.
5. Now that I'm saved, I'm taking this step of obedience, and am openly asking for your prayers. I know I'm utterly sinful in my flesh, and every day is battle against my sin, but I'm taking this stand in obedience to CHRIST.
6. 
   

Open letter to hearing friends and family

Dear family and friends,

            This last Christmas, I'm sure you all noticed me and Mum signing. And some of you told me to stop signing. Some of you seemed quite frustrated with me, and what I was missing, or my odd behavior. There is something you need to know:

            I am going Deaf. In the past, I could pass off as hearing as well as you. I can no longer do that. I am completely Deaf on my left side. Nothing gets through that side. My hearing aid on that side doesn't even help that ear, but only acts as a radio to send the sound over to my right side. And now, my right side is also hard of hearing.

            I am beyond tired of pretending everything is okay when I walk into a family or public event. And I will never stop signing. I am going Deaf, and when I become fully Deaf that will be my main mode of communication. It makes you uncomfortable? Put yourself in my shoes; missing over half of what you say and being left out of everything is misery. It turns every family and social event into a nightmare.

            When I sign, the world opens up to me. I can understand, I can communicate, I can connect. I am no longer cut off from the people I love. When you tell me not to sign, you place me in a cage, where the words I can't understand make the bars of that cage. Only random words are discernible from the myriad of sounds surrounding me. I can't leave without being rude, and yet you deny me the only way I have equal access to the conversation. You laugh, and I ask what happens, and you tell me that you'll tell me later, though we both know that that later will never come. You talk about plans and events, things that happened in your life, but I never know, because I can't hear you.

            And I can't take it any more. Your words fly around me, but mean nothing to me. I know I'm missing out, and it will only get worse as time goes by. I try to express myself in body language, because I'm trying to break out of the wordless sound I'm in, and you tell me to stop being so childish.

            How can I break free? You won't let me sign, you won't accept my body language that I use to express myself when words fail, and thus I am cut off from my own family and friends.

 Don't you love me enough to face a little discomfort so I can be in your world? Every day is discomfort for me. A fear of a stranger yelling at me because I don't understand; nodding and smiling when people are talking because everyone else is, though I have no idea what they're saying; seeing people laugh, and knowing I miss the punch line and never feeling the sweet comradeship there is in laughing together; having a store clerk ask me a question, and having to stare at her with an uncomprehending smile without a clue of what she's saying. Can't you take the time for a few hours to face discomfort so I can know what is going on in your lives? When I ask mum to interpret for me so I don't have to rely on my weakest sense, can't you realize that I ask because I care what you have to say? And when I can't hear at all, can't you realize that I sign because I don't want to be alone, and not because I don't want to exclude you? That I sign because your speech is excluding me, and I don't want to be alone any more than you do?

I come to events because I love you, though it takes all my effort to understand. If it were just me, I would stay home and read a book, or blast music that is loud enough for me to hear. Honestly, every event where I have to hear is exhaustion. Can't you love me back by trying to help me instead of hindering me? All you do is complain about what I'm doing. Is it really loving of you to pretend everything is ok and to make no effort to help me, but to hinder every attempt I make at trying to hear you? If you will not help me, then what can I do?

I can no longer pretend. I am going Deaf. I struggle to hear you. If you will not help me hear you, then I will stop trying to hear you, because if it is not important enough for you to help me understand, then it is no longer important enough for me to waste my energy on it. If I cannot sign, if you will not write out difficult words that you've said, if you will not accept that my loud body language makes up for what I cannot seem to express in the sound I am rapidly losing, then I will no longer try to come to your events, for there is no purpose for me to come. It is little better than seeing an old movie of you with the sound almost muted. I love you, but I cannot pretend any more that I can hear.

Sincerely in CHRIST,

Kiwi

Pre-Christmas Baking and Cleaning

Hallo all! I've been terribly busy this past year. I've been taking ASL, and been working as a substitute teacher, and been also keeping house, drawing, and learning to read sheet music on the piano. YAY!

Today is baking day. It's when I pack tons of cookie baking into one day right before Christmas. I think I've made about 6-7 dozen sugar cookies (can't tell exactly how many, since I've definitely been enjoying my cookies), right now in the middle of trying to make a few dozen more chocolate chip cookies, and after that, I still have to make some gingerbread cookie dough to put in the fridge for baking tomorrow. HOY VEY! BUT! Unlike most baking days, I've yet to burn anything, besides slightly singeing my fingers in our silicon potholders. Nothing serious, mind you, but definitely not something I desire to repeat. (I kinda wish I had some fun Christmas cookie cutters...I only have boring stars that leave the cookies in an all-too-easily burned shape.)


Yesterday was kitchen cleaning day, where I basically turned the kitchen upside down, cleaning behind everything, rearranging everything on the counters, jarring up different bulk things we'd gotten from the store, and basically trying to get everything ready for baking today. Before I rearranged yesterday, I barely had any room to roll out pie crusts or cookie dough.

Oh, correction: Cookie sheet:1; Kiwi: 0. I now have a really shiny line on one of my fingers... I wonder what that'll look like in a few days. It reminds me of last Christmas.

Last Christmas, we had some family friends over, sort of adopted family members, really. Very close friends. I'd put some hot water on to boil and was just pulling it off the burner but made the mistake of taking off the lid of the tea kettle before lifting it. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I learned when I was a little kid that water that goes above 212F (100C) becomes steam...very HOT steam. The next thing my family and friends heard was a tea kettle hitting the floor. The asked what was wrong, and I said I'd burned myself a little. I actually got scolded by one of the boys for not making enough noise when I'd burned myself. It still makes me laugh to this day. Apparently, I need to complain more when I've been hurt instead of calmly relating the facts to people as though I were merely mentioning the time of day. "Oh, I've gone and burnt myself."

Hmmm, I wonder what would have been a better way to say it. Maybe next time I need to shriek and run around the kitchen waving a potholder, and go bouncing up and down like I'd seen a rat. No, wait, that's how I dance to the bouncy part of the moonlight sonata. That would just seem to normal for me. How do you be loud about being hurt, when it's actually quite common for you to be loud? Wouldn't that just seem the norm? But if I'm quiet, it generally means there's something serious going on. Hmmm. Maybe I'm a bit backwards. What do you guys think? What should I do next time I burn or hurt myself while cooking or baking?

Real Talks: Isolation

I've already mentioned before that I'm hard of hearing/half Deaf. What I never really say is how lonely that can be. It really can feel lonely.

I was born completely deaf (physical, not cultural) on my left side. I've never known anything different. To me, that was just life. I thought everyone had one quiet ear and one loud (read that as hearing) ear. The concept of deafness was not really introduced to me.

In private school through pre-school, kindergarten, and first grade, I really struggled, and my teachers were actually going to hold me back because of how much I struggled. My grandmother, GOD bless that wonderful woman, picked up that burden and homeschooled me. She gave me the best education I could have ever had. I don't think anyone could have given me a better education. Still, she didn't know I was deaf on one side. She and Mum suspected something was up, but had nothing to really go on.

We found out when I was 9 that I'm deaf on one side. I've told the story of how we found out HERE, on my Deaf and hard of hearing blog.

After we found out that I'm partially deaf, Mum found a hearing gal at church who knew some sign language and asked her to teach us. Oh, so bad...that was horrible. We met once a week, with basically only vocabulary words, had only two other students besides Mum and I, we never met any Deaf, and learned nothing about Deaf culture. THAT didn't last long. We gave up on ASL after that. She was not a good teacher.

About six years ago, my hearing on my good side began to gradually decline. It took us the past six years to see this decline, and we don't yet know why I have it. (I really need to get a hold of a Neuro-otologist, but that means I have to use a phone ...*cringes*) It's a slow decline, but it's there. My upper range on my right side is now going, and if I'm anything like my mother and grandparents, this will likely be a steady decline for the rest of my life.

I started learning sign language last year, and I was hooked. However, I'm the only one in my family who signs much. Mum knows a little, but it's not the same as having someone who practices a lot.

So now I really cannot hear much in crowds, and am still gaining proficiency in ASL. I have no complete language to use in public settings where I'm not missing something. This is a really big disadvantage at church, because people don't understand what deafness is, other than the medical side of it. And sometimes, not even that. Trying to communicate at church is hard, and it's even harder when people speak quietly, or even just stop talking to you because it's too difficult for them. I tend, now, to gravitate towards louder people in church, but even then, I'm still missing out.

So, in terms of a social life, I have almost no friends, and any friends I do make tend to drift away, because it's so stressful to try to communicate. I feel so lonely, so very much. I wonder if this is how other partially Deaf people feel.  

My Testimony

I am a wretched sinner, undeserving of grace. My sin separated me from the eternal GOD, WHO is holy, righteous, and just. I have violated GOD's law, both in thought and deed. 

          "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of GOD." Romans 3:23

Because GOD is holy and just, I deserve nothing but judgement. GOD made me and I rebelled. I am a sinner. Adam, the representative of the human race, sinned, and thus, his sin was imputed to me. I am a sinner. I did not acknowledge GOD, nor give HIM glory. I am a sinner. 

          "For although they knew GOD, they did not honor HIM as GOD or give thanks to HIM, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:21

GOD's justice requires a punishment for sin, and HIS holiness does not let HIM look on sin. I am a sinner. Because of this, I deserve the fullness of GOD's wrath poured out on me. 

         "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind." Ephesians 2:1-3

         "For the wrath of GOD is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth." Romans 1:18

          "For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23a

However, GOD WHO is rich in mercy, planned for there to be salvation for those HE chose before the creation of the world. Before even time began, GOD had a plan for paying for my sin, and for the sin of all other believers, who HE has called to HIMSELF. And that plan was that GOD the SON came to earth, perfect and holy, and became a man.

          "And the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen HIS glory, glory as of the only SON from the FATHER, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

And HE came to pay for my sin, as the only, perfect, spotless sacrifice that could take away my sin. 

          "And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of JESUS CHRISTonce for all." Hebrews 10:10

And on the night of HIS crucifixion, HE was betrayed into the hands of HIS killers by one of the twelve WHOM HE had called out and chosen; Judas. (Matthew 26:48, Mark 14:43, Luke 22:47, John 18:3) And when the soldiers arrested HIM, all but two of HIS disciples completely abandoned HIM. (Matthew 14:50), and one of those denied HIM, (Matt. 26:69-75, Mark 14:66-72, Luke 22:55-61, John 18:16-27)

The leaders of HIS people, the priests, Pharisees, and Saducees, formed a false court to condemn HIM to death, though HE had never sinned. (Matthew 26:59-66, Mark 14:55-65, Luke 22:66-71, John 18:19-2) 

Herod treated HIM with contempt (Luke 23:11) Pilate had HIM scourged (Matt. 27:26, Mark 15:15, John 19:1), and the soldiers mocked and beat HIM, and placed on HIM a crown of thorns (Matt. 27:27-3, Mark 15:16-20, John 19:1-3). 

And they led HIM to the cross, where they nailed HIM, and left HIM to the derision of the world (Matt. 27:34-50, Mark 15:24-37, Luke 23:33-45, John 19:18-30)

And upon that cross GOD poured out the full cup of HIS wrath against HIS only SON, placing on CHRIST my sin, and placing on me, HIS righteousness. 

          "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on HIM the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6

          "Behold, the LAMB of GOD, WHO takes away the sin of the world!" John 1:29

         "You know that HE appeared in order to take away sins, and in HIM there is no sin." 1 John 3:5

          "HE made HIM who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of GOD in HIM." 2 Cor. 5:21

          "Much more then, having now been justified by HIS blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of GOD through HIM." Romans 5:9

HIS death, and resurrection paid for my sin. HE bore the wrath of GOD, so that I wouldn't have to. I am not saved by my own works. 

         "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Eph. 2:8-9

          "But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will." Acts 11:15

I am a sinner, saved by grace, through faith. I have been set apart for GOD to do HIS will.

          "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Eph. 2:10

          “If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

When I was dead in my sins, CHRIST died for my sins, suffering the agonies of the cross, and suffering under the wrath of GOD for my sins. I am saved by grace, and not of my own works. I am redeemed by the SON of GOD, and I await HIS second coming, knowing that I am called out to be HIS, and am now redeemed by HIS blood. 

9/11 Never forget

Here in the US, we remember the 9/11 attacks on the world trade center and the pentagon, as a memorial to those who died and to honor those who risked their lives to save those who survived. To all who served our country fourteen years ago, pulling survivors from the wreckage; thank you. To the brave men and women who died by wresting control of the hijacked plane back from the terrorists  so it would never reach Washington, D.C.,we remember your courage and bravery; thank you. To all who lost family on that day; we mourn for you. To all survived, we rejoice with you. Let us never forget those who have gone from us.

Busyness and pie crusts!

Whew! I've completely neglected my blog, now haven't I? I've been very busy playing habitica, which basically means the house is really looking good from cleaning it. WOO!

So far, I've knit two washcloths as wedding gifts:

The one off to the left is just folded.

And I've also  knitted a toddler blanket for a friend:

And started a new washcloth and another baby blanket. 

I've also oiled/polished all the cabinet fronts, vacuumed the entire house, swept and mopped ad-nauseam, and two weeks ago I refinished the kitchen floor. I've made a big batch of lentil soup, and made three apple pies in the past 2 weeks. 

A friend gave me an awesome recipe for pie crusts. Most pie crust recipes you mix something like milk, butter and flour together, and add water as needed. The problem with this type or recipe is that if there's not enough water, you have simply a damp powder mixture that won't stick together, and if there's too much water, you basically have glop. My friend gave me a better recipe. 

You take :

2 cups flour

2/3 cups olive oil

1/3 cup milk

and you mix them all together. Don't overmix. Once they're mixed, split in half so you can have crust for both the pie bottom and lid. Try not to touch it. Roll it out between two sheets of saran wrap and then place it in the pie tin. It will not stick together if you try putting it in the tin with your hands (I've tried. It's like it's humanphobic). To actually get it in the pie tin you have to roll one side onto your roller and then peel off the saran wrap and strategically drop it into the tin without it falling into a big pile of pie dough.

Attempt, and repeat. This process will inevitably frustrate you. But keep in mind! This is all for the love of fresh, homemade pie. You can do it!.

Repeat rolling it out until you actually make the dough land properly in the pie tin. Then, after you've put in your desired filling, attempt to recreate your success with the pie lid. Good luck!

Habitica RPG Melior Griffon; Or..

...in other words, more work, and more procrastination. I decided to, not only color this in (SHOCKING! I almost NEVER color my artwork), but I did it with watercolor pencils *gasp* and then went over it with actual WATER *GASP*...ON non-watercolor paper!! *GASP!!*!  *exhales* Ok, after that lead-up, here ya go.

Joining habitica

Well, I started a new game. It's called Habitica, or HabitRPG. I don't know if it'll be a good game, but so far, it's really awesome.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I really try to avoid video games. I know people who are video game addicts (yes, that is a real thing), and I don't want to become them. However, this game isn't like most games. You don't earn points by running around on a virtual world. You earn points by doing things in real life, such as setting up new habits, doing daily chores or challenges, and having a to-do list to  do throughout your week or month. As you complete your habits, dailies, and to-dos, you gain experience, gold, and silver, and you level up. If you fail to do a daily or a habit, you lose health points. The higher your level, the more things you get, like pets, armor, or other things. By doing real life chores, you actually play the game. It's epic! It's a game I am not entirely sure I would mind being addicted to. Who would hate to start enjoying the daily mundane chores?

My "dailies," as they call the daily chores, are:
-don't press snooze (oh, my word, I can press snooze for up to an hour and a half. Truly, I've done it...more than once. And I actually have an alarm that shakes my bed. That tells you how much I hate mornings. I DESPISE them.)
-Make bed
-Prayer (I tend to forget this one without a reminder, because it seems like such an easy concept that I put it off. In reality, praying can actually take a while, since I have such a hard time focusing. I have to actually write out my prayers, and I still get distracted. Seriously...I have ADOS [attention deficit OOOh, shiny!]).
-Bible reading (I'm such a bad procrastinator. Don't judge me.)
-Bible memorization (Again, I put this one off whenever I memorize something wrong and have to correct it. Don't judge me. I'm a wimp when it comes to correcting things. I will put it off as long as possible.)
-Get dressed and put away pjs. ( Seriously, unless I have to go out, I will happily spend all day in my pjs. All day. HAPPILY.)
-Load or unload dishwasher (Touching other people's dirty dishes covered in who-knows-what? Ew. Not exactly the sort of thing I want to touch.)
-Mend one piece clothing, taking no more than half an hour.
-Tidy room.

As you can see, I seriously need help setting up habits. It's not good at all. In fact, I'm writing this post to put off going and doing my prayer, Bible reading, and Bible memorization. Yes, I'm that good at procrastinating. *headdesk* This is why I use Habitica.

Earlier, I used another mode of procrastination called, ART! Woohooo! I drew the Habitica logo! YAY! Oy...today is gonna be one of those hurry-up-and-finish-my-stuff-because-I-put-it-off-until-the-last-minute days... Anywho, here's my drawing. And then I'm off to actually stop procrastinating.